TALATALA ATU MAN!
(August Issue 2009)

The guy everyone’s been going on about. Him and his new Methodists. Every time you turn around there’s a new story about something this guy is supposed to have done. I managed to watch Atu Vulaono on Simpson at Seven last month. The first thing I noticed about the guy is that he’s very, very charismatic. Seriously. I can see how the New Methodists (by the way, are they Methodist’s or Pentecostal in nature?) are growing so quickly in number. When it comes to religion people want, or seem to need a slick talking salesman who could sell fridges to Eskimos. And that’s the impression I got of good ol’ Talatala Atu. He’s one of the few church leaders I’ve seen who seems to know how to handle the media. In fact

Vulaono would be one of the few public figures in Fiji that knows how to talk to the media. Sounds like I admire the guy right? Well you thought wrong! I can’t stand his religious views. Saw him yelling on TV the other day about how it’s a privilege for Muslims and Hindus to be able to watch him evangelize. Mate. Get bent.

But, I will say again. The guy is brilliant at talking to the media. He seems to have realized what a lot of other organizations here (FRU and Netball Fiji being two examples) haven’t. That the media is a powerful tool which can be manipulated to suit a particular agenda. For example Stanley asks him a question about money, about how he claims there’s lots coming in and if he’s now living in some fancy house (I’m paraphrasing obviously). And Vulaono gives his home address without a single hesitation.

No beating around the bush, no “this is church business which the public has no right to know” crap. The guy just answers the question straight off, leaving an impression of admirable honesty…something you don’t usually get with ANY religious figure. And they’re utilizing technology like no other church in Fiji has. I was watching one of the New Methodist broadcasts and in the middle of it all, the announcements pops out at the bottom of the screen that you can watch and listen to the service via Skype. Moving with the times or what. Too bad about the message though.

Qo na nei kei atu

We’ve all heard this story by now. Raise your hands if you’ve actually seen the alleged incident. I haven’t and neither has anyone I know. But they all know who has seen the DVD and swears it’s true, it’s all true.

Or they’ve seen the email. As if seeing an email is some sort of guarantee of truth. Please…let’s stop being so gullible. Did things really happen, the way the coconut wireless says it did? I don’t know. I’d like to see the dvd for myself and make my own judgment if that’s ok with you all. You

know…evidence! So send me the DVD if you have it. My point is that we need to stop living on rumours and passing them off as written- in- stone- truth. Time to grow up and stop playing Chinese Whispers. Like I said earlier, I neither like nor dislike the whole New Methodist thingy. To me they’re just another church in a country already saturated with churches. But the smear campaign seems well, very unchristian.

and about those emails…

They’re really irritating aren’t they? I don’t care about forwarding the butterfly of love or not deleting the dove of peace. They can both get stuffed for all I care. If I’m on your mailing list, take my name out if you’re going to keep on sending that stuff.

It’s bad enough I’m getting propositioned by couples in Nigeria and women in Russia looking for a man, I also have to read an email forwarded by someone out of guilt because the email says if you don’t forward it you don’t love Jesus. Please, leave me out of the guilt circle. Got enough real troubles to worry about.

best wedding entrance ever and more….

If you haven’t seen this video yet, check it out. Funny and sweet mixed together. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0....almost makes me like Chris Brown’s Forever Almost. Also in case you haven’t heard, the movie New Moon will be coming out soon.

New Moon is the sequel to the movie Twilight and once again Robert ‘I’m prettier than all the women in this movie” Pattinson is back as Sadward Sullen (that’s my name for him, I’ve never seen anyone so sad). Seriously though what is he sad about?

He’s immortal for crying out loud. I actually watched this movie so I can make fun of it and I’m still laughing at it. You know what I know why Pattinson is so sad….if I had to spend eternity with Bella and her incessant whining I’d be depressed too.

Pattinson needs to break out of the closet and soon. One movie I am looking forward to is GI Joe. Check out the preview here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSOC1Nv77yM&feature=related. And you know what I don’t even care about GI Joe, I just wanna see Snake Eyes and Stormshadow. Please Hollywood don’t muck this up.

BY ALEX ELBOURNE